I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
