I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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