Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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