he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.