I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
