i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
