do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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