I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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