Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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