if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
