I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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