I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
