She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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