i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
someone owes me an orgasm
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
