just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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