Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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