I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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