FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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