Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
