Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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