people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
