dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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