Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I fill condoms, not promises.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
