I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
