Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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