I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
