So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
