its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
