Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her