Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
