yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
