he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
