I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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