I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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