You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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