I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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