I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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