What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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