when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
