At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Small penises have feelings too.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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