theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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