i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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