Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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