I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When are your genitals available?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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