his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
