He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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