Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
