My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
