i just sent this text using only my big toe
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
