If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Randomize
