moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
