I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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