i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
