Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
