I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
