so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
