guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
