So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
