i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
