I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I would ride that face into the sunset
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize