apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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