I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
