i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
