Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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