Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
