Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
