Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize