My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
