if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
