I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
