You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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