My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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