YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
