If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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